Is that it?Īnyway, the totally hollow and contrived quest begins! Why would I risk my life to get my heart back when I’m perfectly fine without it? And what was the dragon even trying to do? It shows up, kills several people, eats my heart and then disappears. But now its voice is in my head, telling me to find him and get back his heart. I wake up in my room, alive somehow, and the dragon has vanished…after doing nothing to this village except kill several people and scare the rest. It then pulls out my heart and eats it…I can’t wait for that to be explained… A Heartless Character…Literally Oh god, it’s going to be one of those “The Chosen One” stories isn’t it? The dragon steps around aimlessly while I hack at its feet, until it smacks me away and starts speaking in some unintelligible language. What is he expecting to happen? Is the dragon just going to see one person running for it and fly away with it’s tail between its legs? What is he fighting for exactly? If the woman he waved to earlier was in danger I may understand him doing anything he could to try and save her, but he just runs at the dragon with absolutely no plan. Suddenly my character, after grabbing a sword on the ground, starts charging for the dragon.Īm I supposed to find this behavior brave or endearing? I don’t know a single thing about my character, so it just comes off as weird and genuinely stupid. I then see a relatively awesome cinematic where a dragon plops out of a black hole thing in the sky and attacks my village…because I guess that’s what dragons do. That’s not a compliment to it, rather me creating fun out of a bad experience. Fortunately, it kinda did, but that’s just me tricking the game into being better. I thought it would drastically change the impression many characters were giving off, since they were going to speak to a child like an adult, which may alter the themes and messages Dragon’s Dogma is trying to show.
I didn’t expect it to make that much of an emotional impact, but when he was shown waving to a woman, who looks like his older sister since I look 13, I was glad that I chose this adorable character. I was trying to make my journey as mystical and charming as possible, so I went for a somewhat ‘Child Mage’ look. Yes, I chose a short man as my character.
Wait, that wasn’t my character? What the hell was the point of all of that?! Is it supposed to be a flash forward? If so, my four foot tall hobbit character really grew up. So, some unexplained door opens and the game cuts jarringly to a character creation screen. It also didn’t help that my allies were shouting “The lion is weak to magic”, despite the fact that I didn’t have anything magical on me to use. Many of the melee animations look like pieces of paper crunching up against each other My allies also die very quickly, which is easily fixed by me just going over to them and pressing B, so the whole battle made me feel uncomfortably invincible.
It kinda looked like I was stabbing the beast, but because many of the melee animations look like pieces of paper crunching up against each other, I couldn’t really tell. I resorted to climbing on its back like an overly friendly toddler and moving my body around. It didn’t start off so bad since I was using a sword, shield and there weren’t many enemies, but the Chimera takes a huge amount of damage and I was never really sure if I was even hurting it at all. After six hours I’m kicking myself for not just quitting then and there.Ĭombat in Dragon’s Dogma is monotonous and messy. The Chimera battle was more of a sign that this game was bad than I first thought. I’m getting sick of games that just have dragons being the size of big cars. So far I’m not as hooked as I expected, but that dragon is pretty cool I guess. I see a dragon, it talks (which was pretty cool actually) and then we fight some goblins and a Chimera. The game starts surprisingly abruptly as I play as some random man walking around in some ruins to apparently fight a dragon, for some reason. Don’t think of this as a review, more like a gaming journal…written in blood. And yes I know that those are some very popular games I just branded, so I guess that makes my opinion automatically wrong, right?Īnyway, allow me to recount my 6 hour trudge through Dragon’s Dogma. Dragon’s Dogma is the worst game I have ever played.Įven my most hated of games like BioShock, Prototype, Red Dead Redemption and Might and Magic: Dark Messiah at least have some semblance of charm and character.